Unforgiving Expectations of New Years Resolutions

I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. 

I used to find myself setting some type of resolution that always required me to be better, or more, or less of something. 

Some self-improvement fallacy. 

I’d work so hard the first few weeks or maybe even months. And then without fail, life would happen. 

I’d set a rigid goal that was often more like a punishment. Then life “lifes” and suddenly I’m beating myself up and feeling like a failure. 

Has that ever happened to you?

Self-imposed, unforgiving expectations, setting yourself up for failure. To feel not enough.

I threw out resolutions years ago and at first, replaced them with nothing. It was just another day. Just another year.

That eliminated one day a year when I felt like a failure and judged myself. 

But then I missed the excitement of a refresh. A blank page of your life’s story. The enchantment of new possibilities.

So I picked up things like intentions and grounding “words of the year”.

And these things worked for me.

I got the reminder of a reset and new intentions without the guilt and self-judgment. 

These things were more flexible. They flowed like water. 

If one day was off, no biggie, the next day was a new opportunity to refocus or make different choices.

They focused on the journey of the year, of life, rather than one specific outcome or perceived “right” way. 

Last year my chosen words were “flexible consistency”. 

I tried a bunch of new things last year and this word helped me when things felt overwhelming. 

This year I like the words “ease” and “self-encouragement” so I’m going with those for now. 

There are more than enough days where we tend to scold ourselves into the best possible version of ourselves. A place where we finally have “arrived” and feel the relief of being wholly confident and accepting of ourselves, at last. 

But I would argue that maybe self-improvement should not be the focus, but rather the act of self-acceptance. 

The truth is so many of us look at self-acceptance as the goal, the end-game. 

But that’s a myth.

Self-acceptance does not have a final destination. It is an ongoing process, a journey. And some days are easier than others. 

And what about you?

Have you chosen any words of the year or intentions? 

Are you stuck in the cycle of self-judgment, trying to find your way out? It’s possible and you’ll get there. 

If you want to set new intentions or find a word of the year, here are some reflective questions that might be helpful.

• What words encapsulate the mindset and energy you want to bring into an aspect of your life?

• What do you need or want more of in your life?

• Explore your emotions and how you want to feel throughout the next year. Try to pinpoint a word that captures the overall emotional tone you wish to cultivate in your life. How can this chosen word serve as a guide for your choices?

• Are there words that encompass your values, that you would like to focus on for the next few months or year?