5 Ways Your Childhood Shaped Your Low Self Esteem
As adults, we love to rationalize our early experiences as being so long ago and us being “so over and past all that”.
But our upbringing significantly influences our self-perception, self-esteem, and beliefs about what is possible in our lives.
Your family may not have been all bad all the time. Most aren’t. I believe most caregivers do the best they can with what they have and what they know. But even the best-intentioned family households have their moments that leave lasting impacts on us.
Maybe you have more cherished family moments from your childhood. Or maybe your childhood was light on the cherished family moments and heavy on the trauma.
Either way, these experiences play a pivotal role in shaping who you are today. Our family dynamics have the power to mold our thoughts, self-esteem, and beliefs, laying the foundation for our future endeavors.
Growing up in a family that had its struggles, I often felt unsure of myself, plagued by self-doubt, and trapped by limiting beliefs. My self-esteem suffered, and I couldn't imagine achieving the goals I set for myself.
Actually,...I couldn’t really imagine setting many goals. Much of my time was spent in survival mode. Trying to make sense of the things around me and just get through each day.
Maybe this is a familiar feeling for you too?
Let’s look at 5 ways your family growing up may have impacted your sense of self and some ideas for coping and processing through it:
1. Family Communication and Emotional Expression:
Unhealthy family communication and emotional expression can profoundly impact a person's sense of self. When communication is riddled with criticism, aggression, or constant conflict, as kids we may internalize these negative interactions, leading to feelings of unworthiness and self-blame.
This might have sounded like, “Why can’t you just listen?”, "You're so lazy. You never help around the house.” or "Why didn’t you try harder?"
Without a safe space to express emotions and thoughts, individuals may struggle with bottling up their feelings, hindering their ability to form healthy emotional connections later in life.
Additionally, a lack of emotional validation and understanding within the family can result in us feeling dismissed or unheard, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth and difficulty in expressing our needs and desires in adulthood.
This might have sounded like, "Stop crying! You're so sensitive." or "You're making a big deal out of nothing."
Ultimately, the absence of healthy communication and emotional expression within the family can create emotional scars that affect our self-esteem and overall perception of ourselves throughout our life.
Coping Skill To Try: Journaling offers a safe outlet to release pent-up feelings, fostering self-awareness and healing. By putting pen to paper, you can delve into your thoughts and emotions, uncovering patterns and gaining clarity on areas that need nurturing.
2. Parental Expectations and Limiting Beliefs:
High parental expectations and constant criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, creating limiting beliefs that hinder personal growth.
When kids are consistently pushed to meet unrealistic standards, or criticized if they don’t meet them no matter their effort, they may develop a fear of failure and an overwhelming need for perfection. This can create a belief that we are never good enough, no matter how hard we try.
As a result, we may shy away from taking risks or pursuing our passions, fearing that any misstep will result in disapproval or disappointment. These limiting beliefs can become ingrained, sabotaging our confidence and hindering our personal growth and exploration of new opportunities.
Coping Skill To Try: Combat limiting beliefs by practicing affirmations to rewire your subconscious mind with positive or more self-accepting or neutral thoughts, boosting self-esteem and self-confidence.
3. Sibling Dynamics and Comparison:
Sibling rivalry and constant comparison to siblings or peers can breed insecurity and a constant need for external validation, even as adults.
If we grow up in an environment where we are constantly compared to our siblings or peers, we may develop an ingrained sense of competition and a need to prove our worth to gain parental approval. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and a constant need for external validation to feel validated and valued.
As adults, we may find it challenging to form authentic connections with others, fearing that we will be judged or compared unfavorably. This can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy and self-doubt, hindering our ability to embrace our unique qualities and pursue our aspirations with confidence.
This might have sounded like, "Why can't you be more like your sibling/friend?"
Coping Skill To Try: Meditation helps in developing a strong sense of self-awareness and mindfulness. By focusing on the present moment, you detach from the urge to compare yourself to others, embracing your unique qualities and fostering self-acceptance. This practice fosters a sense of peace and grounding, allowing you to release self-doubt and embrace your inherent worthiness.
4. Family Values and Life Possibilities:
Growing up with limited perspectives on life's possibilities and lacking examples of people who strive for more can significantly impact a person's belief in their own potential.
When we are not exposed to diverse role models or ambitious individuals who believe in themselves, we may struggle to envision a future beyond what we have seen in our immediate environment (family, neighborhood, school, friend group).
As a result, our aspirations and dreams may remain constrained, and we may doubt our ability to achieve greatness or pursue unconventional paths.
Over time, this limited mindset can become ingrained, leading to self-imposed limitations that prevent us from exploring new opportunities or taking bold steps toward personal growth.
Breaking free from these mental barriers is essential for expanding our horizons, embracing a broader spectrum of possibilities, and unlocking untapped potential. By seeking out inspiring examples and believing in ourselves, we can transcend our upbringing and create a limitless vision for our future.
Coping Skill To Try: Sound healing and music can be transformative in breaking through self-imposed limitations. Immersing yourself in soothing sounds, uplifting music, or music with lyrics or artists you can relate to, can inspire creativity, foster a sense of connection, and open your mind to new opportunities, expanding your belief in what you can achieve.
Sound healing and music provide a therapeutic experience for emotional release and inner harmony. The power of sound helps you connect with your emotions, release energetic blockages, and create a positive vibrational state. This applies whether you are listening to sound bowls or Beyonce.
5. Support System and Community Influence:
Isolation or the absence of a supportive community can have a profound impact on our mental and emotional well-being.
When we lack meaningful connections with others, we may experience feelings of loneliness and a sense of disconnection from the world around us. We may feel like we’re all alone, nobody could understand us, or that we are the only person who is feeling this way. This sense of isolation can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Without a support network, we may struggle to cope with life's challenges and may feel like we have nowhere to turn for help or understanding.
Being part of a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and validation, fostering a positive environment where we feel seen, accepted, valued, and empowered to overcome difficulties together. Building and nurturing these connections can significantly improve overall well-being and enhance resilience in the face of life's struggles.
We thrive on feeling seen, heard, and understood. Find your people.
Coping Skill To Try: Engaging in supportive, enjoyable, group or community activities, like yoga, can create a sense of belonging and foster meaningful connections. The support and understanding of like-minded people can boost self-esteem and confidence, providing the strength to overcome challenges. Also, by cultivating strength, flexibility, and balance in your yoga practice, you will develop a sense of empowerment that extends beyond physicality.
Growing up our family and caregivers deeply impact our self-perception, self-esteem, and beliefs about what is possible in our lives. While our early experiences may have shaped us, this is not set in stone forever and holistic approaches can help you get to a place of self-acceptance and self-appreciation. When you include mind, body, and soul practices into your healing journey, you can begin to lighten the weight of the emotional baggage of the past.
By embracing practices like journaling, meditation, yoga, affirmations, sound healing, and fostering meaningful connections, we can work towards processing and overcoming past traumas, rebuild our self-esteem, and develop an unshakable belief in ourselves.
As I reflect on my journey of personal growth and healing, I am reminded of the wise words of Maya Angelou:
"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
My family's impact on me was profound, but it did not define my destiny. By adding holistic approaches to my healing, I reconnected with myself, reclaiming my autonomy, and became the architect of my own happiness. And so can you.
Embrace the possibilities that lie within, and remember, the journey of self-discovery is one that rewards us with liberation, fulfillment, and a strong belief in ourselves.
If you’re interested in exploring holistic approaches to healing you can grab my free guide Accepting Self, Finding Peace here to start to explore holistic soul care.
If you’re interested in a supportive group community as you work through the shit that holds you back, you can join the waitlist for the next round of ReDefine here.
In ReDefine, my group program for women working through their challenges and nurturing their inner worth, you will find a transformative space to embark on your personal growth journey.
This program is designed to provide a supportive and empowering community where women can come together, share their stories, and support each other through their individual paths. Through a combination of mind, body, and soul holistic approaches and guided exercises, you will discover tools and techniques to overcome past traumas, rebuild self-esteem, and cultivate a deep sense of self-worth.
TL;DR:
Family dynamics significantly influence our self-perception and beliefs. Embracing holistic approaches such as journaling, meditation, yoga, affirmations, sound healing, and building a supportive community can lead to transformative personal growth and healing. By breaking free from limiting beliefs and embracing self-awareness, we unlock our true potential and cultivate a strong belief in ourselves.